Cannon Fodder
by ManicPixieDaydreams
Summary: This story is not at all related to my ongoing saga, Gravity Falls: Worlds Apart. It is just a tiny one-shot based on a prompt by author Barbacar. The prompt was "The characters find a large, fairly old looking cannon with the kind of fuse that gets lit with a match. One character gets fired out of the cannon by the other character."


Cannon Fodder

The Carnival Mystique came into Gravity Falls without so much as a whisper beforehand. One sunny summer morning, it simply appeared in a vacant lot downtown.

"Wanna go?" Wendy asked Dipper while they were closing up the Mystery Shack gift shop one evening.

"I-I don't know… it looks kind of creepy," said Dipper. "I walked past earlier and the carnies all just stared at me."

"Dude, the creepy factor is totally the coolest part!" said Wendy with a grin, slugging Dipper in the shoulder.

"OWooookay," said Dipper, rubbing his shoulder.

/

The carnival was as creepy as Dipper feared. None of the staff talked, either to each other or to the guests. The quiet atmosphere was occasionally punctuated by a scream—but Dipper and Wendy could not tell if the screams were out of fun "scary carnival" fear, or actual fear.

"Hey Dipper, wanna look at the freak show?" asked Wendy, pointing to a small tent off to the side of the fairway.

Dipper glanced around him. "What, this whole place isn't the freak show?"

Wendy chuckled, ruffling Dipper's hair. He blushed, and smiled at the ground.

They walked into the tent, and marveled at the bearded lady, the lobster man, and they amazing rocket boy. There were also goats with two heads, a man with two goats, and a beatnik, reading bad poetry.

"I'm not sure I understand this carnival," said Dipper, scratching his head.

"It's entertaining," said Wendy with a shrug. "Isn't that all carnivals are really meant to be? What's to understand, man?"

They exited the tent, and Dipper bought cotton candy from a sneering vendor, offering Wendy some.

"Thanks," she said, stuffing her face with the pink fluff. "Hey, look, a cannon!" She pointed ran toward an enormous old iron cannon, flecked with rust. It was the kind with a fuse that has to be lit. A sign hung next to it, which said _Back in 10 Minutes_. "Hey, Dipper, dude, I dare you to get inside!" cried Wendy.

"Um, I don't know…" said Dipper, rubbing the back of his neck. "What if the carnies come back?"

"Dude, you are being such a dork. Come _on_!" She thrust her fist into the air, and began chanting "Cannon, cannon, cannon!"

"Fine," muttered Dipper. "I doubt it's real anyway. That'd be way too dangerous to have out in the open like this."

"Exactly," said Wendy. "Look, I'll even 'light' it." She found a pack of matches next to a pack of cigarettes behind the carnie's ticket counter, struck one, and held it to the fuse. "See, nothing! Come on, get in—this will make a great photo op!"

"Fine," grumbled Dipper, climbing into the cast iron tube, until only his head was showing. "Okay, take the picture and then help me out of here," he said, scowling. He was beginning to feel claustrophobic.

"Oh, crap," he heard Wendy murmur.

"What?!" cried Dipper. "Wendy?"

"Uh, the fuse lit… it was barely smoking until now… I didn't even see it!" Wendy was panicking.

"What?!" cried Dipper. "GET ME OUT OF HERE, WENDY! GET ME OU—" BANG! Dipper was suddenly soaring through the air, over the carnival.

"Dipper!" screamed Wendy. She ran back to the freak show tent, and jumped the security cordon in front of the amazing rocket boy's exhibit. She grabbed the jet pack from the startled kid, throwing it over her shoulders as she raced back out of the tent.

"Please work, please work," she muttered, as she hit the ignition button.

"HO-LY CRAP!" screamed Wendy, as the twin rockets in the jet pack boosted her off the ground. She did her best to steer in the direction Dipper had been shot off in. The rockets proved a much quicker mode of transportation than the cannon, because she quickly caught sight of flailing noodle arms, and heard Dipper's pre-pubescent voice screaming in terror.

She gave the rockets another boost of fuel, and quickly closed in on the terrified, flying twelve-year-old.

"Dipper!" she screamed, reaching out her arms.

Dipper stopped screaming, his lolling head straightening. His eyes met Wendy's, and he half laughed/half sobbed with relief. He reached toward her, and she caught him up in a tight hug.

"I love you so much right now, you have no idea!" he said into her shoulder.

Wendy thought of the way her heart dropped when she realized Dipper was actually about to be launched into the air, and she kissed the top of his head. "Right back atcha, buddy," she said softly.

Suddenly, the jet back began to shudder, and the rockets stopped.

"Crap," said Wendy. "This is gonna hurt!"

They fell, screaming, clutching onto each other for dear life, until they hit the forest canopy. Each branch they hit slowed their fall, while simultaneously slapping and scraping their arms and faces. Finally, they hit the forest floor with a thud.

They lay side by side on a bed of pine needles, still holding onto each other, and breathing deeply, for several minutes.

"Wendy," Dipper said finally, "You shot me out of a cannon."

"Dude, I didn't do it on purpose," she whined. "Besides, I totally stole a jet pack to save your butt."

"Yeah, okay, so there is that," said Dipper. "Thanks for not letting me die. That would've been a bummer."

"Are you kidding, I could never just let you die!" She laughed. "Mabel would never forgive me!"

"Oh, nice," said Dipper, sitting up and smacking her lightly on the knee.

Wendy sat up and put her hand on his, giving it a light squeeze. "So, you wanna go back to the carnival? There's some rides we missed."

"Nah," said Dipper, grinning. "I think I just had the ride of a lifetime."


End file.
